Horrortales.666 Part 3

This is the third film in the ‘Horrortales.666’ series, which began all the way back in 2003, and it doesn’t exactly inspire you to go back to see the past entries. In fact, it does exactly the opposite and makes you question just why a third film has been made - ‘Part 3’ is so bad that it’s inconceivable to think that the first two films are any better.

We’re introduced to a man, titled only the burglar (Joel D.Wynkoop), who has appeared in the two previous films. He’s sat in front of a computer reading off some stories, allegedly trapped by a ghost (or gost as he frustratingly repeats) and a witch (M. Catherine Wynkoop). The manic overacting from Wynkoop is bad, but it’s nowhere near as dreadful as everything around him, and by the end we’re thankful for his presence because that offers at least a semblance of entertainment.

After ten minutes, and one dreadfully written and performed story in - the horrors aren’t limited to the superman towel draped over the front door or the batman cardboard cutout in the front room - we think the film might be over, and we’re grateful. It is a cruel world. Sadly, there’s another hour and ten minutes to endure, and in that moment we’d much rather face the ghost and the witch. Well, maybe not the witch, who is the most irritating character this critic has seen in eons. She’s worse than Jar-Jar Binks, terribly acted with the most insipid, redundant lines of dialogue, and a voice even more disturbing than nobody’s favourite Gungan.

Fortunately we don’t spend much time with her aside from occasional appearances, but that unfortunately means we have to watch a collection of some of the most poor composed short films. They’re poorly written (poorly is being kind), poorly acted, and for the most part make very little sense. Each films plot defies logic at almost every turn, with no character seeming to have any sentient experience or even a brain at all. Moreover, they’re sleazy, with blood and gore free-flowing, without so much as attempting to build any suspense or terror. There is one short film which has a disturbing rape scene complete with rock music and gratuitous nudity - that’s the kind of disgusting levels of sleaze ‘Horrortales.666 Part Three’ reaches, worsened by the fact the woman is characterised as a ‘stupid fool’.

Wynkoop’s character continually expresses his desire to leave and for there to be ‘no more’, and that is, perhaps the most apt line of dialogue, and the only one that rings true. This is a gruelling task to watch. At times you wish you were the protagonist, at least that way you wouldn’t have to put up with the reverberated voice of the witch over and over again, or the distorted voice effect which makes the film appear like an eleven year old’s first venture into filmmaking.

A mess. A total mess. ‘Horrortales.666 Part 3’ is an inept film in every sense of the word. Dreadful in terms of production, writing, directing, etc., it is the epitome of sleazy, sometimes disgustingly so. With their failure to build terror, not one of the short films gets the pleasure of creating any horror, and so the title can only refer to the experience of watching the film for the viewer, itself a horror tale of continual frustration and rising anger. If there is to be a part four, I expect it to be a video of this critic watching ‘Horrortales.666 Part 3’, perhaps only then will its creators realise what true horror is.