Witchez are Bitchez

A comedic horror buzz not to be taken too seriously.

This 15-minute comedy focuses on revenge and dating in a world of modern-day witches who use smartphones as well as spells, and zips exist on buxom wenches’ bustiers.

Fraya (writer and producer Jazmine Cornielle) is “the ugliest witch in town” looking for love and also collects male genitalia in a jar for her collection. Taking a breather from swiping left on non-matching potential suitor warlocks on her smartphone, she visits a cobweb-strewn bar for a drink.

Here she hits on Dalvin (Ryan Marko), the self-proclaimed town “warlock-saviour”, who deals fearlessly with dragons; he’s also a conceited womaniser, all flowing neo-gothic shirts and designer stubble. Despite Fraya promising him a good time (“I can take care of that wand of yours,” she purrs seductively) to her annoyance, he turns her down. In revenge, Fraya puts a curse on him, causing Dalvin to lose his warlock powers unless he fancies her, so he is forced to turn up to her lair and beg her to have sex with him in return for his powers back.

The action takes place on the cheap in a Halloween-themed bar, and according to the entertaining YouTube behind-the-scenes short with leads Cornielle and Marko, it was in fact completed in two overnight shoots in a Long Island bar finishing at 6 am. 

The acting is vampishly hammy, and could be toned down along with the non-stop fart jokes, but viewers can tell working on the vampy production was fun, like an R-rated Hocus Pocus with more knob gags and witchy saucy banter. 

There’s also a streak of visual comedy as when one of Delvin’s ladyfriends/conquests demands payment in gold coins, which end up being chocolate pieces instead of cash, and promptly starts eating them.

Like a Halloween-themed cocktail laced with cheap green-dyed tequila and pumpkin-shaped chocolate, Witchez are Bitchez is a fun horror buzz not to be taken too seriously.