Directed by: David Steinman
Written by: David Steinman
Starring: Bill Goldberg, Emilie de Raven, Douglas Smith and Robert Culp
Christmas Film Review by: Rachel Pullen
Hold on to your socks folks but I’m about to unveil a little bit of info about myself, just for you…I don’t do Christmas! What a shock, well not really, I think over the years I have made my anti-capitalist/religious views apparent, and so Christmas is the complete package when it comes to those treats.
But what’s weird is I’m super into Christmas horror movies, so many classics such as Black Christmas and Silent Night, Deadly Night, and while it would be easy of me to review any of the classics, or the many remakes, I decided to stray down the beaten path and find something that we may all not know about…and boy, did I uncover some trash.
Santa’s Slay revolves around our main teen heartthrob Nick (played by Douglas Smith) who lives with his crazy grandpa who, like me, has a bunker in his basement where he likes to hide out during the Christmas period. Grandpa explains that Santa was born of virgin birth to the devil and made a bet with an angel, via curling match…okay, he loses and must deliver gifts on Christmas for 1000 years, and this year, his time is up.
During this basement hangout, Santa has already started his killing spree in colourful and fun ways, my favourite is his trip to the strip club, for numerous reasons i.e. hot girls, where he, for no reason just starts praying and slaying, he kills people in a deli and police officers as well…not unlike the ladies in the strip club, he gets around.
He kills Nick's boss, obviously annoying him, he is now probably unemployed, and just before Christmas as well! So, he and his lady pal decided to find out a way to defeat Santa and bring harmony and happiness back to the land, what a chump, no one wants that.
I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it pans out just as you think it would, and that’s fine, I didn’t think a film starring the cast of the WWE was going to blow me out the water with some plot twists and mind-blowing scripting, but that’s not to say that it's not a fun little Christmas film.
Santa’s Slay is the more tolerable of the terrible Christmas horror movies…Jack Frost anyone? My point exactly.
The acting holds strong, I mean Emilie De Raven is in it and she went on to have a successful career, the pace keeps up, we are engaged enough with the characters that we care about their deaths, the kill scenes are stupid enough for us to realise it’s meant to be silly so we can enjoy it!
My point is, if you’re going to make a seasonal horror film which is about curling bets and the devil, you better be able to laugh at yourself, or the audience is just going to laugh at you, and Santa’s Slay has found that perfect sweet spot, and so I say kudos to the movie.
So, if you want a little fun this holiday season, and by fun, I mean WWE wrestlers, dressed up as Santa killing strippers, then strap in and feel the GGGG’s.
So, what have we learned this week?
Strip clubs are not as safe as we think
Santa loves to curl
And destroying the perception of the holiday season by having Santa kill a bunch of town folks, will still not stop people celebrating this terrible time of year.