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Haggard Throwback Film Review

★★

Directed by: Bam Margera

Written by: Chris Aspite, Bam Margera, Brandon DiCamillo

Starring: Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, Jenn Rivell, Brandon Dicamillo, Don Vito

Throwback Film Review by: Rachel Pullen

 

Haggard (2003) Film Review

Movie Poster for 2003's Haggard
Movie Poster for 2003's Haggard

I was watching that new show Pam and Tommy the other day, you know the one about the infamous sex tape leak in the 90s! Drama, anyway, Seth Rogen's character in the show jokes about creating a reverse microwave, a product that can cool things down at the touch of a button, everyone laughs, and the joke goes off...but wait, if like me you grew up skating in the early 2000s...you have heard that joke before.


For you see, the skate scene back then had a bit of a pop culture MTV icon, and that was Bam Margera, and before all the Jackass, he used to make his own movies called the CKY series, they were a collection of pranks and skateboarding segments, they were fun and goofy and people passed the video tapes around to their pals for years, but with his growing fame and fatter wallet, Bam decided to write, direct and star in his own home-made comedy film called Haggard.


Haggard tells the story of Ry (Ryan Dunn), whose girlfriend is cheating on him, he enlists his pals to help him sabotage her house and record things she is doing to try and find out the truth. Straight off the bat, bad idea, just have conversation Ry, talk therapy for the win, but hey good movies are not made by people resolving marital conflicts in sensible ways...aside from Good Will Hunting, but we don’t have time, microwave drama is on the line.


Valo and Falcome (played by Margaera and Dicamillo) hatch a plan to tape shit to her house, and shit in the gas tank...yup, but why would pals do such a thing? Sure to help a homie out but mainly this is driven by a cash grab, and why do they need the cash? Well because Falcone is entering the invention of the future contest with his reverse microwave...there it is, and I scream at the screen, so many questions, did Seth Rogen watch Haggard? Did the writers of the show? Is this a coincidence? Did I invent the reverse microwave?


As the romantic story unfolds, we have some masterful moments of cinema, for no reason Falcone is directing some toy trains in a movie but he has put them in sexy poses so he can yell at them, Ry leaves a hairdressers in one scene and someone breaks a watermelon over his head for no reason, Don Vito is dressed as Caeser and is protective over grapes, also not explained...if Haggard was trying to be an art peice in the world of cinema, then people would eat this up.


Ry eventually gets over his lady issues and meets someone new, Falcone builds his microwave and wins a diamond mountain bike from the contest, I’m not mad, that is a kick-ass prize, and Bam hooks up with some girl and there is a really cheesy make out scene at the end with romantic music playing and I once again scream at the screen.


But no one here is expecting to be watching a cinematic masterpiece, this is a young man in his early 20s, writing, directing, and starring in his own movie, he is having fun with his pals and funding his own dreams, and while the film is very obscure and crazy at times it’s not trying to be anything else, this movie is completely what I just described, there is no escaping or expecting anything less.


Personally, I like Haggard at the right time, if you’re a teenager, that time is always, but as an adult it could be classed as a guilty pleasure for sure, I have no shame. Tony Hawk is in it for god’s sake, so if you’re in the mood for something obscure, out there and goofy as hell, don some eyeliner and baggy pants and head back to the early 2000s for this fun little flick, but as for where we started, I wanna know, who invented the reverse microwave first? Answers on a postcard please, I have to know, I really do.


So what have we learned this week?

  • If no one will fund your dreams, fund them yourself

  • Don Vito really loves grapes

  • And I am a reverse microwave at this point.





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